I've been thinking how adults blatantly syringe all sorts of guilt into our young minds as we develop. As a teenager you're, apparently, a (borderline) psychopath, physically incapable of empathy. According to some dude on the Internet (very reliable, trust me, and the dude):
there are a significant number of research studies that indicate the prefrontal cortex is the last to develop and doesn't become fully formed until a person is in his or her mid twenties (the Internet: 2012). Actually, it's "there is a significant number"... but never mind.
But it is well known teens have little regard over others. And that's... fine.
I faintly remember any riskier activities me and any friends would undertake as if through a cold corpse-coloured filter, like we'd all could've just died at any second and it wouldn't have been too shocking. I suppose that's why they recruit soldiers young.
At the time it all felt both like an enlightenment and a persistent existential crisis, both clarifying the way forward, and setting it in thick mist.
Remember how much you'd hate yourself though? Even if you're the cheeriest jolliest chum around, you would still do something embarrassing, or fail at anything important, and would feel it burn inside like you're Iron Man.
Seriously, that thing emits so much energy it must emit heat too. Look how fucking bright it is!
And you know, you're still idealistic, and everyone's trying to keep up to those impossibly highly set standards. Because well, you have little empathy and you actually don't know why Susan could just sit at home all day doing nothing social, or, like, how Stephen would eat another hundred pounds onto himself in just a few years – because you have little empathy. So with this extra stress and keeping up appearances, with every mistake you just want to bash your own cute and way too fresh looking face in.
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| Often after I fail at something I remember the Costa Concordia and its captain, from 2013. You know, the immense cruiser ship with all the technology, and the modern equipment, and the training? And the ship randomly tipping over after the captain wanted to show off a bit? Also if you're thinking "that's not funny, people died!" Exactly. |
Forgiveness. That's what comes next. Not for the Concordia captain, probably, but for teenagers, and people, and all creatures. Look, the dude from the website (2012) writes thus further in his unbearably famous, worthy, and honourable thing on the thing:
the prefrontal cortex is last to develop because it allows the average person to focus on self mastery before becoming fully conscientious about the welfare of their respective communities.
So, like, you, like, totally need to, you know, like understand yourself first, and then, sort of like, help others, you know. You fuck up heavily - or disappoint yourself - enough times, and what it comes to naturally, especially as your brain develops physically too, is the thought that we're probably all fuck-ups to an extent. You know, all your rock stars are drug addicts with serious insecurities, all your hot babes have... well, the same problems plus daddy issues, and I suppose the first heroes to fall at all are your parents. Who've ridden you with guilt, except that now it's actually sinking in.
Why haven't I finished my studies? I've wasted so much money.
I should clean my room.
Shit, that girl was crying when I kicked her out of my room in the morning. <- Lol, just kidding, men don't develop empathy for women until their mid 30s, if at all.
But you know, you start really thrashing yourself with stuff that never bothered you before. As a 7 year old, I dreamed of thriving in my stuff everywhere in the room - because then you can see it all! Now the more stuff I have lying around, the more of a sombre reminder it is of the uncared for responsibilities in my life. How miserable.
As a student I wished to have my own income, (even though I did finish it), and was able to enjoy the financial support in the first year or so. But in the later years it started banging inside my head like a pair of trainers in a dryer, that you know are still dirty after washing, and have been destroyed by the water and the soap and the heat anyway. Also your dryer hurts now.
I've written earlier here how some church services offer the much needed guilt relief. They lull you into compliance and a forced authoritative rapport, then they try and bring your guilt all up, and then they aggressively assure you the guilt is taken away, almost as if by a large leech that had decreased your blood pressure by sucking some of the superfluous juices out of you directly through all the layers of your beautiful dermis. Or then, as if by blatantly hypnotising you into letting go of some of your own worries.
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| "I come in da name a Jesus!– repeat it after me, bitch!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pPlFrmkXlE This guy will FUCK YOU–...r sins up. Out. I don't know, but he scares me. |
So the question this comes up to is this: why try and instill so much guilt into people, basing all moral values and duties on the backside of almighty guilt, if exactly that becomes one of the main psychological hurdles in all adult life? And from childhood on it becomes an act of performance art to forgive yourself, and others. Thanksgiving would do good in becoming Forgiveness day (no one remembers what they're thanking for now anyway).
And you can forgive yourself for not getting out of the house too much, or for gaining the weight of a petite person onto your own fragile skeleton. You're here just like the rest of us – fucking up, pretending you didn't. Patching things up, trying again. Could be a mantra for the overly self-critical neurotic of today.
Sources:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/promoting-empathy-your-teen/201209/is-it-normal-teenagers-lack-empathy
Costa Concordia: http://www.top13.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/costa-concordia-shipwreck-a-genuine-mistake-o-L-8X4ufL.jpeg
Unconventional preacher gif: http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/68895/crazy-preacher-o.gif
The ancient video the gif is from (sweet beat too, you'll like it):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pPlFrmkXlE
