"Sexy!" - "Please, With Every Move."

At one of the comedian Dara O'Briain's live shows he happened to be miming out "random buzzwords" the audience shouted out. One last suggestion comes from a lady with a jolly melodic voice – she shouts "sexy!". In a blink the skilled comedian stopps, and replies in a very matter-of-fact, respectable tone, saying: "please, with every move". 

The question for 5,000 Respect Points from a guy whom you’ve seen once before but whose colleagues you’re having a drink with, is:

How come you’re hanging out with the employees from our company yet I don’t know you? Is it:

a)      You’re friends with someone in the group?

b)      You’re “friends” with someone in the group, although I’m not sure you’re hot enough?

c)      You’re a random lunatic who our group is tolerating and indulging out of kindness?

d)     You’re new and I haven’t had the chance to meet you yet, (although I’m still not sure you’re hot enough)?

[Answer: a combination of c), a), and I’ve had a job interview here but they didn’t take me in. No Respect Points won, but who said it was a fair game?]

“Why didn’t you get hired?”

A stream of long-reflected, sappy, self-deprecating accusations scroll through the mind while gaping around at the people who were both the inviters to that job interview, and the rejecters.

Some Clarity Points are hanging in the balance now! For 10,000 of those, is it:

a)     I was shit.

b)     It was my first “real” job interview.

c)     I was immensely overhyped by one of them, who really overrated me for unknown reasons.

d)     I’m pretty sure I just wasn’t hot enough.

[Answer: wonder if any of those decision makers are listening in, and mumble something about not having been ready – then try to diffuse the misery of how that sounded by saying you’re getting the benefits of the job now without having to do the hard bit anyway, haha!]

“The ladies in the office are– they tend to hire a certain type.”

“Well I’m not the type.”

“To an extent.”

Yeah my chest could be a double-D if I’d stuffed something extra in there that day, I’ve left the fake eyelashes at home, I’m in some fairly comfortable clothes, and I deliberately didn’t glaze on the make-up like I’m a layered-coloured candle this time.

Also none of you are drunk enough at the moment. That’s the extent.

I swear I'm not sponsored by Mad Men, but this is the idealistic image of an office for guys in everywhere ever, for real. I'd be the Peggy, obviously.

Do you - you, reading this - ever consider where you’d have ended up if you were simply born a different gender? I mean of course you have, but what do you think of most of the time? How easy or hard it would be in general? The variety of wonderful other ways you could masturbate?

To appease a frequent sense of unfairness I like to imagine I’d be the dude really into his fashion, and makeup, maybe wigs and heels, and that I’d be wishing to have been born a lady for some reason anyway. 

That’s the only perk of being a chick – the trinkets. 

The tolerance from society for you to try and look as good as you can, because obviously that’s what men want from you. And men are the bosses, right?

So for our last question, for 100,000 points of Realization, what is it actually like in the professional world for a young woman? It is:

a)     Being assessed and valued first and foremost by – nope, not that – your work experience. The X-out-of-five stars, the IMDB review of you, the YouTube views and rating ratio of your likeability. How popular you have been. How professionally slutty you are.

b)     Being chosen by your fucking looks, yes. Boys’ toy. Long shapely legs = swift learner, large juicy breasts = astounding social skills, cute pretty face = captivating personality, - continue the list yourself.

c)    Getting commonly infantilized to a degree where even expressing a thought non-conformist to the consensus of the decision makers feels like a daring, reckless challenge. Which gets widely ignored because you’re a cute little whatever squeaking at them, thinking yours is a valid opinion, aw.

d)   Everyone knows you just want in the game with the boys to feel like you belong here, but what you really want in life is to cook loads of food and spew out offspring. It’s in your nature, who are you kidding. Come on, sod off to have babies.

It's cool that someone like Dara O'Briain can build a fantastic career while taking the notion of being sexy as a complete joke. Obviously he doesn't have to be, not in a conventional way anyway.

He doesn't have to be. 

[Picture: http://cbsnews2.cbsistatic.com/hub/i/r/2014/04/11/cd87958d-ddc4-4020-beb2-720f6f583376/thumbnail/620x350/330ffaeec4f47db19c5c0b246b2cc499/ff178663-a8a8-298b-fbcd-867d4aa84525-mad-men-stairs-jon-jessica-elisabeth-january-kiernan-christina-1153-1182-v1.jpg]

And APOLOGIES for turning this stream of blabber into such rotten underinformed feminist bullshit lately. I promise to read some and be nicer so that something better comes out linguistically next time. GIFs and all, maybe even an attempt at wittiness at some point. (Which we women are so bad at! Hey, pa-dum-tss.)